The Great Revolution Was Great!

[b]Official Party historians have completed the first volume of the Great Revolution!!![/b]
On August 14, 2004, Communists For Kerry took up position in New York City's Union Square. For those of you not familiar with Union square, it is a sight to behold every Saturday. It is populated with every left wing nut group ranging from the Peoples Front of Judea to the Front For the Liberation of the Madagascar Dung Beetle. Needless to say we had to turn it into Soviet Union Square.

So the arrival of Lenin, Che and Castro didn't even warrant a second look. We hung our posters, distributed fliers with the Get Our Of Gulag Coupon on the front and the Party-Approved Slogans For Spontaneous Protests on the back. We handed out band aids from a box marked Kerry's free health care for all, delivered short but passionate speeches - End the two Americas and create one homogeneous welfare state! - and played communist marches using a bullhorn connected to an iPod.

At first the libs that came by to view our material were devoid of any sense of sarcasm, irony or satire. One individual who approached me said, "get your commie crap out of here; you're making John Kerry look bad!" Other libs thought we were really "cool" (wow, our heroes, real communists!).

That is until they read our literature and their faces turned to that angry twisted expression that only the lib face can do when confronted with a differing point of view (see: Bulldog licking piss off a nettle).

Next came the intellectual elitism. We were chastised by some angry gentlemen who became as confrontational as only tolerant liberals can be at the sight of opposition (see: Yeti, Loch Ness Monster & Happy Liberal).

They accused us of - wait for it folks - I kid you not . . . "fooling the average dumb American." Yes, folks, all of us are average dumb people, ignorant hicks who can't think for themselves and must instead be ruled by educated classes. If only we had read Noam Chomsky instead of bowling with a few of our neighbors. Then perhaps we wouldn't be driving those evil V8 pickup trucks and SUVs. We would be driving European cars with a hair dryer for an engine of course, as all enlightened people do.

Most people , however, took us at face value and had a laugh with us or at our expense. The "Free Healthcare" seemed to go down a real treat with everybody, even some die-hard libs were happy for a nanosecond.

As it turns out, the hardcore commies and radicals on Soviet Union Square are easier to get on with and have a decent political debate with than your average New York City Liberal. One bunch of young libs even went so far as to spend some of their trust fund on Super Soakers and splash their brand of tolerance upon us. They ran around us with plastic water guns calling us names and squirting water into our eyes -- and there didn't happen to be a single flower around that we could stick into their barrels. They disappeared as quickly as they came, running to tell other peace-loving, anti-gun comrades about their slaying of the dragon of violence and intolerance. It was about to start raining anyway.

They actually believed that six simpletons dressed as communist icons talking a load of nonsense could fool the average dumb American. We were called a "threat to society" and our actions were "reprehensible." But somehow the two young guys visiting New York from Oklahoma figured our sarcasm and irony straight away. The supposedly ignorant hicks passed the irony test better than the New York elites did. Apparently they hadn't received the lib memo.

General Secretary

Mission accomplished!

All pictures have been taken and self-censored by Red Eye, the official Party Photographer.