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in the Sovietnet of the brother countries of the Comecon (Communist
Did Condi Rice convince you not to sell advanced military hardware and secrets to the Red Chinese? And when will you show a little backbone and answer a few question here at CFK? Is this Peoples Cube your idea? How dumb. It will never be as popular as my namesake!
PS; Hilary Suks
bombster 02/27/05 - 4:15 am
Boris 02/18/05 - 11:32 pm
It would appear that Jockstrap Chirac is too busy surrendering the Eiffel Tower to terrorists, to anwser your questions.
Bagdad Bob 02/07/05 - 5:52 pm
Thank you for your kind suggestions, may Allah watch you. However, the spelling on Bagdad, was intentional, as I wanted to be ingognito.
Stooge of the Revolution 02/07/05 - 5:35 pm
I resent being called a "Infidel." I cannot be an Infidel, as I always am careful to follow the State Sponsed position on Religion, whatever that is this week. Congratulations Bob on your new computer, had I known you needed one, I would have sold you a speedster with the latest version of CPM, for just a few dollars more. Oh, and get a grammar checker too, please. I believe Bagdad is spelled Baghdad, Bob.
Bagdad Bob 02/07/05 - 3:11 pm
Comrades, and Infidels,
This post by Comrade Infidel Spellchecker, has greatly disturbed me. It seems at first that he must had made reference to the Infidel pig Stooge of the Revolution. Then upon closer examination, I found that my old computer did not have a spell checking program on it. It was time to retire the 386 wonder machine running Windows 3.1. May Allah protect me from whatever Billy Gates has in store for me next. I had relied in the past on vodka to do all my spell checking, and it had never let me down, until one night I went over my alloted ration. Also, the emptied vodka bottles make great tools to throw at Comrade Gates computers to shut down locked-up machines. It was just that shutdown procedure that has caused me now to spend valuable resources to upgrade to the Mother of all computers. Yes Brother Communists, I too had to pay for new computer at running dog infidel capitalistic Goodwill or Salvation Army store. However, these places were trying to rip me off, and with their prices would had seriously cut into my vodka budget. One must keep ones priorities. Allah must have been looking out for me, as I walked back to my hovel, err, I mean fine government subsidized apartment, there was street capitalist selling computers from back of his van. He promised me a hot deal on a slightly used supercomputer of my dreams. And comrades you will be happy to note, that I was able to trade my rolax watch given to me by my former boss, for the new wonder machine. This machine has everything, 486-16sx processor, 16 meg of ram, 384 mb drive, and 14k modem. Not only that, but salesman told me has very first edition of Windose 95a on it. Image, an first edition. Comrade Spellchecker, I must thank you, for insisting that spell check my posts. Without you, I would have not insisted that spell checking program be installed before buying. At merely the expense of my shoes, the salesman cut a deal to installing the expensive AbiWord word processing software with spell checker. Thank you again Comrade.
spell checker 02/06/05 - 3:43 pm
why do people post messages littered with poor spelling?
thank you in advance
Bagdad Bob 02/05/05 - 4:05 pm
Dear Comrade Jacques Chirac, Friend, Brother, and Godless Infidel,
First let me congratulate you, and thank you for your support and behalf of Sodamm Insane's true peoples Socialist government of Iraq. As you know our glorius leader, the true Caliph, Sodamm, continues to fight and crush the enemy, "The pig of the Desert." Even though The true rightous leader, Sodamm, has almost pushed out infidel pig Amercians from the Iraqi holy homeland, the stuggle for complete and total victory draws near. Therefore on behalf off our brave leader, and your close personal friend, Sodamm Insane, could you help find a way to get his trial moved to the hauge? And his room accomidations to France? I am sure that Allah will smile on you for doing this Jacques, not to mention the 20% of the population of France that are now Muslums. Well, at least 20% of the population takes a shower once in awhile. Me, I am living well, err ok, abroad, on one of the accounts you set up for us under the Oil for Fools program. Although I miss that French bistro, we always ate at, such much pure infidel french charm. And the only place I have ever seen where you could order a side of gease with your meal. ah, I have it, Cafe Anomie, you always did have fine taste, if nothing esle..
Billy Clinton 02/03/05 - 2:40 pm
Hey good buddy,
Jacques, I have a question for you. As you know of my recent appointment at the United Nations for the Relief effort, I was wondering if I could get your advise, as to your expertise of handling money, since you were so involved with the United Nations Oil for Foods Program. Or as we liked to privately call it; the Oil for Fools program. Even this Oil for Food program, which you were prominent in, was not your only avenue of your efforts towards Socialistic Glamorization. One should remember that you are also The leader of France, and the driving spirit and power of the EU. Think of what we could accomplishe with Hillery as President of the US, Me as Secretary General of the United Nations, and you still as President of France, and the real power behind the European Union. In the name of political correctness, we could finally establish the New World Order. Gone will be the days of people like W fighting wars in the interest of protecting the United States. Back will be the days of American Youths shedding there blood for countries that did not threaten the United States, in any way. Places like Kosivo, and Mogadishu. So my question is brave Jacques, friend and buddy, can I count on your vote, help, and advice for Secretary General?
Bodyguard of Yasser A. 02/03/05 - 12:59 pm
Dearest closest Friend and Comrade Jacques Chirac,
My name is not important, my friend. However you may remember me by a well placed tattoo on my body that said MOM. Yes I too suffer from the loss of Yasser Arafat and Senator Tiny Tom Daschle. But live goes on. At least if you take your medicine, if you know what I mean. However, even with the loss of Afrafat and Daschle, there is a larger loss or problem brewing at CFK (thats Commies For Kerry for you Jacques). It seems that only you with Frances military, spy, and informants, can locate and root out, key CFK missing persons of power. Those persons of power are Kommissar Party Razor and Laika, Space Dog and Hero of the Revolution. It is feared that these two leaders at CFK, may have been victims of foul play, or worst have gone over to the other side. I know that once your people get wind of their trail, that they will not stop, no matter how many bars and brothels and steamrooms they must search thru to find our brave leaders. Perhaps we could meet again for a candlelight dinner at Cafe Anomie sometime. You know, the place where you bring your own paper plates. Such a charming French place, with wonderful service, and no need to tip.
Snotty Waitperson 01/31/05 - 5:24 pm
Get out of my bistro, M'sieu ChIraq! You are not welcome here any longer!
You may NOT sit here! I will not feed you anymore!
Put away your glass and your utensils!
Do you remember the dishwasher alongside whom you worked when you tried paying your lunch bill with a barrel of petroleum?
His name is Omar, and he is now the Minister of Justice in the new Iraqi government.
He sent me a cable with a message for you, m'sieu.
You have been indicted for Crimes Against Humanity against the Iraqi People for your complicity in the "Oil for Food" program.
A warrant for your arrest has been issued, and extradition procedures have been initiated.
I will not offer meals to Criminals against Humanity.
Be on your way, or I shall summon the gendarmes!
Pierre at "Cafe Anomie"
Criminal Number 43 12/23/04 - 10:42 am
A question, mon ami. How many letter 'E's in the phrase, "cheese-eating surrender monkey?"
Bodyguard of Yasser A. 12/22/04 - 3:29 pm
Jacques, Remember me? Yasser Arafat's bodyguard and very very close freind. Oh how I miss Yasser and the trips we took togeather, like the trip to Rommania. Remember the threesomes we had togeather? By the way, those Big Red comdoms that Yasser used, not so good, if you follow what I mean. Perhaps you should consider finding good medical care? No not French Socialist medical care, look what it did for Yasser! Go to United States.
All right then, here are my questions; Being the the French are responcible for giving all the world many inventions both of culture and enlightment, what do you think is greatest French gift to the world? As inventors of wine and cheese, wait, certainly not cheese, been around forever, and not wine, although as much as France claims it, it was introduced to France by ancient Romans. Which leave us only with one thing that I can think of, Perfume. Yes France was inventor of Perfume, which had a needed use during the middle ages in France (and still today in France) to mask body order as people did not bath sometimes for a whole year. Even though the ancient Romans had built public baths in Gaul (France for you, Jacque), the French has wisely let the baths disintergrate from neglect, as soon as the fall of Rome. Bathing then became a lost art form in France with the Dark Ages, only the French invention of Perfume, made the air breathable again.
Good friend, how are you? A pity I never learned your name, intimate as we were. I miss good Yasser and our vacations together in Monaco. I can't go there anymore - I'll hear the lovable unwashed scamp whispering anti-American rhetoric in my ear, and turn to find he's not there. Now that Daschle is out of the senate, I don't know who will take over for him. As for the greatest French invention, that would have to be pre-emptive surrender. The enemy never expects it...
Stooge of the Revolution 12/16/04 - 1:01 am
To; JockStrap Chirac,
Sir, now that a Successfull French military campaign has been waged in the Ivory Coast, and French supply of Chocolate has been assured, you may take your rightfull place in History along with the likes of Napoleon, Charlemagne, and King Louis XVI. Well, one out of three maybe. As you know, the United States has military bases in Alaska, and Greenland, also during the so called cold war, established the DEW line (early warning line) in northern Canada. In your estimation, is this an attempt by warmonger W to surround Canada, before he invades? Also to quote the K person, most of Canada was French, before it was British. And could this be a way to get back at France by the W?
Dear Stooge, I doubt that this is what the evil Bush has in mind. However, this is not what we will tell the media in the U.S. They will believe anything they want to hear, and parrot our rhetoric to the public, calling it "breaking news." This gives them an out if they're called on the fact that the accusations are baseless. Keep looking for possible anti-Bush "headlines"...we're going to need some red herrings to throw out once the economy really picks up steam. Can't have a repeat of the '04 elections in '06, can we?
Snotty Waitperson 11/30/04 - 9:50 pm
Ahh, so you are back, m'sieu.
What do you want this time, you pest?
Oh, very well...sit down anywhere...I suppose there is something we can find that you will eat.
You have euros with which to pay for your meal, yes? Omar was quite cross with me. He thought you were the new dishwasher to replace him.
You are looking upset, M'sieu ChIraq...have you lost a friend?
Ah, I see, you are upset about a military adventure by an imperialist power against a weaker nation that posed no threat to it, eh?
You are speaking of the Ivory Coast, oui?
Ah, you are still carrying on about Iraq and the Americans!
Well, m'sieu. I LIKE Americans. They tip very well, and I can give them dirty dishwater and charge them for bouillabaise...they do not know the difference!
And I would not mention your political views in Omar's hearing, his family dissappeared under Saddam's regime.
Omar has an explosive temper, if you take my meaning.
What is that? A menu?
Why do you require menu? You have eaten at this bistro before, you simpleton!
I see you remembered to bring eating utensils, you should also recall what we serve.
I have more important things to do than parlez with you all day.
I am vexed by the crossword in Le Monde...what is another word for:
Good Pierre, I missed your brisk manner. I have been absent so long mourning my idol Arafat that I have forgotten the menu...besides since the death of that lovable scamp Yasser I'm generally on my 4th bottle of champagne by brunch. Comrade Kennedy once told me you can't be drunk all day if you don't start early. Another word for hypocrisy, let me see that paper Pierre...hmmm. 13 letters, current French leader... I don't know. I guess that would be whoever I most recently surrendered to. Be a good comrade and bring my truffles and cognac quickly would you Pierre? I have to get back to censoring negative news on our peacekeeping efforts, code named "the world forgives you for slaughtering innocent villagers if you're socialist enough." Here's your tip. It was the only thing left in my pocket...it smells like cheese, but then again everything in my pockets smells that way eventually.
Stooge of the Revolution 11/23/04 - 11:51 pm
To JacStrap Chirac
Sir, we in America, want to improve our image in the world. What would you suggest? Would withdrawing our troops, ships, and planes from all foreign countries, and building American Maginot line, between United States and Canada, be a good start? Also, as a frenchman, how often should one bathe?
Good questions Comrade Stooge. Your suggestions are also a great start to making America more likable again, but I don't think they go quite far enough. America has long had an unfair military advantage over other countries, so in order to show the new egalitarian spirit of America, all U.S. military assets should be split evenly between Iran, North Korea, France, and Cuba. This would demonstrate America's commitment to fair play. No one likes losing wars, so we should also do what is necessary to even out the win-loss records of all nations. As far as bathing is concerned, I shower quarterly whether I need it or not, and in the spring I even use soap.
Yasser Arafat 11/09/04 - 10:52 pm
My Terrorist Brothers;
I am, alas, dying of AIDS. This is what comes of having your boyfriend use "Big Red" Communist Condoms.
I curse the day that we accepted them from those Russian sailors.
They thought to fool us by telling us it was chewing-gum, and we thought that we knew better, that we knew what they were for.
Now I see that they indeed did fool us...and all our toilet paper are theirs.
Treacherous Sailors..."Foreign Aids", they said. Funny bastards, they.
We could have been such great friends!
I bring further bad news, O my brothers and lovers.
I. your Chairman, have been to the Other Side of the Mountain... I have gazed with my own eyes on Paradise.
I was told that I could not enter.
O my brothers, I do not know how to soften the blow I deliver to you...
Allah is a JEW
And a Zionist Jew at that.
He told me to go to Hell.
But Hell, as everyone knows, is full of lawyers.
And are not so many lawyers also Jews?
Even in the Hereafter, my Terrorist Brethren, there shall be no place for us.
Yours in Despair;
Don't wanna go home, but I can't stay here.
Good Yasser, how unfortunate that you will not live to the revolution sweep across America and the world. Your information on paradise would be troubling, if I had ever planned to go there. Why would someone has wanted nothing to do with God on earth want to go to heaven? I sold my soul long ago... in grade school in fact, for a wheel of cheese and some toasted garlic. How could I have forseen the impact that becoming a young, impressionable, soulless anti-American automaton would have on the world? I am sorry, I am rambling. Say hi to my lawyer friends, Uday, Qusay, Lenin, Paul Wellstone, and the rest. I hope it isn't too warm there.
Sometimes I think I can still catch a whiff of your paranormal acrid funk, and I weep like a child.
Yasser Arafat 11/08/04 - 12:39 am
You Pig-Licking Infidel!
How has it leaked out that I am dying of AIDS?
By Allah, I knew I should not have trusted that male nurse you sent to give me sponge baths...I was a fool to trust a Tunisian, especially a Tunisian who wears women's perfume and works as a nurse in a French hospital!
What was I thinking?
Do you rat-snacking Pagans know what this will DO to my reputation?
I was planning to have it announced to my people that I was Haitian!
May Allah send all of your children to a Michael Jackson Pajama Party!
Can I have some Joan Crawford movies sent in?
I hate you Infidel Dog-Eaters;
Good Yasser, how are you doing? I regret to inform you that we do not have the music you requested. However, we do have a CD compilation called Democracy is French for Trying to Buy the Election, featuring the Dixie Chicks, Dave Matthews Band, Puff Daddy, and many others. There is also a hidden track, a moving duet by George Soros and Michael Moore entitled Destroy the United States with Money and Misinformation. I enjoy sponge baths from my attendants regularly, and I thought you might like one as well - how thoughtless of me. I will send someone to envelope you in your customary filth. I do not know how the AIDS angle was leaked. Probably Ann Coulter's Fault.
Yasser Arafat 11/05/04 - 5:23 pm
Dear Pig Chirac:
"Dearest Yasser, how is your health? I hope you get well soon"
Oh you do, eh. you slug-eating monkey lover? Then why do you bombard me day and night with Maurice Chevalier and Edith Piaff "music" over the Hospital PA system?
This screeching and wailing is causing my brain to swell! This is not music!
Why do you not play recordings of prayer calls accompanied by explosions and gunfire and the chorus of screams from wounded and dying Israelis?
If you truly wished me well, you would play such music, in fact, you would have such music played live outside my window of this pestilential hospital!
"As for my powerful personal funk, I smell this way even when I don't eat garlic and cheese. "
By Allah! If you would wash your entire body, not just availing yourself of that scary looking plumbing fountain you infidel barbarians install in your bathrooms, you might not be so offensive to my nose.
"If the unimaginable happens, you may rest in the knowledge that you can still influence global politics through MoveOn.org."
I have contacted John Kerry about replacing me as head of the PLO. He has agreed to convert to Islam and will cover his wife in a burkha according to the requirements of the position.
(He might have agreed, the man does not know how to speak clearly with the barrel of a pistol in his mouth...what kind of politician is this fool?).
The replacement explosive waistcoat you sent fits beautifully, and it is quite stylish
I cannot wait to see you and give you a big hug.