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This Revolution was marked by the introduction of Lenin's New Economic Policy (NEP), one of Lenin's greatest inventions. It allows the Party to replenish its coffers by selling dry goods bearing the Party's brand name without coming off as hypocrites.
We were against profiteering before we were for it.
On the one hand, we are sworn enemies of private property and mercantilism. On the other hand, we need to eat. Without Lenin's NEP this would be a hypocrisy. But Lenin, with an enormous effort of his colossal mind, solved the philosophical puzzle by creating a highly nuanced dialectical synthesis of antagonistic opposites.
Simply put, profiteering is allowed for Party members only. Our compassion for the people must be compensated. The stronger the compassion, the bigger the compensation.~
Our state store, tastefully decorated with propagandistic art by members of Artists Union, was managed by the new proletarian goddess, Klara Zetkin, pictured here counting "Get Out Of Gulag" savings coupons.
"Marx said property is the source of all evil. Money in your pockets is property and so it is evil. We are here to relieve you from evil. Consider yourselves lucky to get something in exchange!"
Lenin kindly explains to the masses why it is permissible to use capitalist exploitation units (i.e., dollars) for proletarian requisition (i.e., sale) of Party-approved dry goods.
"While the People have shown exemplary good will and proletarian compassion and understanding in supporting the Party, it is a sad truth that in the current limbo of transition to Communism, capitalist exploitation units (otherwise masquerading under the duplicitous term "dollars" in this still unenlightened polity) must continue to be used."
The workers and peasants, many of them latent Trotskyites, rub their chins in hesitation.
Then Komrad Smersh steps forward and explains The Red Deal to the masses:
"These here are MUST BUY products. And you know, komrads, the Party does not take the word MUST in vain!"
Immediately, in a collective display of solidarity, the masses start parting with their capitalist exploitation units for proletarian requisition.
This peasant woman is asking Komrad Smersh's approval of her new look.
A hapless petty bourgeois merchant standing alongside us all day, unable to sell a single "Stop Bush" T-shirt.
The difference between him and us is that his message is negative while ours is a positive message of historical inevitability.
Don't tell us what you're against! Tell us what you're for!
As true communists, we share our propaganda with the less fortunate.
There you go!
Komsomolets Rob distributes free band aids, harbingers of Komrad Kerry's Universal Healthcare.
Kerry will take care of you!
For Party members, however, there's Big Red, People's Gum!
Big Red, the only gum strong enough for the Revolution!
Community outreach:
Hey, Komrad Mime! End the oppression by the onlookers! Read our list of Party-approved slogans! Unionize, organize! Join the Mimes Local Union! Demand health benefits, pension plan, and worker's compensation insurance for every toiling mime in New York! Represent!
"Are you the same Communists For Kerry that promise green cards to Guantanamo Bay prisoners? I rode this bike all the way from Lackawanna just to see you guys!"
"Let's make deal, Komrads. You give Talib green card, Talib give you grenade launcher."
"We've got no green cards ourselves, Komrad Talib. But we can give a Get out of Gulag card. When the Revolution comes you'll easily trade ten green cards for this yellow one!"
Young Salvador Dali stops by and asks Lenin to sit for a portrait.
Lenin agrees on condition that the portrait be titled "Partial Hallucination - Six apparitions of Lenin on a Grand Piano."
Salvador Dali started spinning around, turning into a three-eyed version of himself while mumbling under his nose curses in French. A loose translation is provided below.
Communists For Kerry are just another stillborn example of despicable American anti-intellectualism. Since the pivots of our intellects swing freely, we here at Le Monde can recognize the puritanical stink that still clouds the American Mind in an opalescent, pervasive fog while it anesthetizes its people. As an example, we are perfectly willing to accept and debate the importance of Dali even though he was cast from the Surrealists and refused to become a French Communist -- because our taste in surrealist philosophy is matched only by our appreciation for surrealist art. You literal-minded fools!
Above all the artist is paramount in life and in history, and this of course necessitates that the rules of human existence are simply and limpidly flexible, or in some cases nonexistent metaphors for things we have hallucinated from a misbegotten past, or stumbled clumsily over through time like an idiot's fencepost prick we should have danced around. This is why we are supporting the election of John Kerry, and we at Le Monde can only urge you to do likewise and join us.
Then Salvador Dali produces a brush and quickly paints Lenin's portrait titled "Partial Hallucination - Six apparitions of Lenin on a Grand Piano."
Let the Agitation for Happiness begin! Today we are practicing the Kerry-Edwards position modeled on the 1936 sculpture of The Worker & The Female Collective Farmer by Hero of Socialist Labor, people's sculptor Vera Mukhina!
Let the re-education begin! Lenin explains to senior proletarians why everything is the republicans' fault.
Lenin urges senior proletarians to spend money on dry goods at our State Store because in the bright communist future they won't be needing money anymore.
Lenin explains to the proletarian dog why everything is the republicans' fault and that only good doggies will be allowed in the bright communist future.
A new member of Communists For Kerry:
Carlos the Jackal
Born in a Soviet laboratory in result of an experiment involving Laika the Space Dog getting artificially inseminated with Lenin's brain for added intelligence. Underwent fierce kosmonaut training as part of Doomsday program rudely interrupted by the so-called "end of the Cold War."
Carlos, wearing his kosmonaut helmet, is standing by to man the next spy satellite mission.
Curing weak liberalism with strong communism is not always easy. Sometimes you get Trotskyite resistance.
"Under Communism money will disappear, Komrad!"
Klara the Trotskyite slayer takes care of the problem for us.
When Soviet Union Square gets too crowded, Che relieves the congestion by calling the masses to start an immediate uprising against Fox News on Sixth Avenue.
Crush capitalist media! Bring criminals to justice! Rupert Murdoch must go to the Gulag! Turn his assets over to the People and fill vacancies with fair and balanced Al-Jazeera reporters!
Most people on Soviet Union Square react in the manner compliant with the Party discipline and proletarian consciousness. They run to Sixth Avenue, spontaneously chanting Party-approved slogans.
The remaining non-conscientious citizens are counted and turned over to Kommissar Smersh for re-education.
There's now plenty of space for Klara and Rob to perform Happy Dance of the Revolution.
Kommander Djin, Klara Zetkin, and Carlos the Jackal secure the perimeter. The Socialist Motherland is protected!
By
Comrade John F. Kerry 10/12/04 - 6:53 am
Comrades,
During these trying days of this final election period I offer a short statement, which will inspire all of you fellow comrades to rise up and strike down the rich oppressors who are exploitating the masses through their rich wealthy corrupt financial holdings.
The current President is a rich yellow running dog who oppresses the masses through what he calls "Free Speech" and the corrupt document called the "United States Constitution".
We shall bring these unjustices to end and raise the peoples concerns to a higher level, by ending the corruption of the proletariat by the exploitaters of teh masses who unconcerned.
By
Kommisar Spiffybob 10/12/04 - 8:31 am
ALL HAIL THE MULTI-NAIONAL SOVIET NATION!
Your actions Honor us all, keep doing the great work of the revolution!
By
BuckeyeCommie 10/12/04 - 9:58 am
If not for high profiteering by the likes of Pay Pal, I would also part with some of the evil within my check book! Maybe I will buy something rather than just giving you money. What is a good Commie to do??
By
Comrade Clinique 10/12/04 - 11:53 am
And Comrades, as we chew the gum of the revolution, we must always remember the originial GUM of the Revolution, which has been shamelessly overrun by capitalist running-dogs. When Comrade Kerry is elected we will be sure to reverse this development as we overjump capitalism without catching up!
By
Anonymous111 10/12/04 - 2:05 pm
Klara is gorgeous! Where are you guys gonna make your next appearance?
By
Schtchort 10/12/04 - 2:40 pm
Tavarischyi, this is best truth since Pravda truth.
By
Chairman Bob Avakian 10/12/04 - 5:12 pm
:sigh:
Here I am, chairman of the True Vanguard Revolutionary Party (www.rwor.org) and even I cannot attract fine devotchkas like Komrad Klara! I am stuck with the hairy-legged lesbian bookstore owners who stock my revolutionary periodical.
It is true, as revolutionaries we seek to redefine even the most fundamental aspects of our human nature, but until then I am still a man, with manly needs! Can't someone throw me a bone or two here?
By
Comrade Edwards 10/12/04 - 6:29 pm
Chairman Bob, Comrade Kerry I will not only throw you a bone or two, we'll throw you the whole freakin' skeleton! And then we will resurrect the dead, reanimate your new lady friend, make her vote count retroactively, stop juvenile diabetes, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and other debilitating diseases... well, you know the rest. I just hope you remember that!
By
Comrade Otis 10/12/04 - 6:48 pm
These are dark days indeed when the vanguard of the revolution is reduced to petty bourgeois hawking of capitalist fashion t-shirts on the sidewalks of social despair.
It breaks my heart to see this.
Thank you for documenting the filthy gutter the revolution has fallen into under the cynical rule of capital and W Bush. By your courageous example the socialists of the world will unite. By your courageous example the socialists of the world will eat too. Thank you comrade Lenin for showing us how to use capital in the service of socialism.
Come THE DAY the t-shirts they laugh at as mere joke novelties will be twisted into ropes of revolution.
CHA-CHING!
By
Comrade Edwards 10/12/04 - 7:22 pm
Oh, and Comrade Avakian, it's important for you to also realize that Comrade Kerry and I ARE listening to you, even though you said in your interview that we weren't. We just can't show it as much as we'd like in order to win this election. But we're listening and we need your vote -- we have a plan, many, many plans for what we will do after we win, and we need you to make your last vote count! You'll remember my reference to East Timor in the Vice Presidential debate, and you can listen to my stump speeches today, basically echoing some of what Medea Benjamin wrote yesterday for Common Dreams.
We understand that you think "If you fall into the orientation of trying to make the Democrats be what they are not, and never will be, you will end up becoming more like what the Democrats actually are" and that we'll just be another, slightly less fascist version of the Ruling Class all over again, not a Real Alternative! We also know you worry that Bush can't be forced out of office even if Kerry wins the election without relying on some kind of dissonance involving a powerful section of the ruling class, particularly one in the military, that wants to oust them. But we don't think it will come to that, Comrade Avakian. We think your heart is in the right place, but you are wrong! Just look at this website! Look around you, take a deep, satisfying breath and Make Your Last Vote Count!
By
D.J. Gulag 10/12/04 - 8:03 pm
Your dialectical synthesis diagram of Kerry/Smith/Marx is brilliant! (It should be an entire website unto itself).
Didn't the proletarian dog "Carlos the Jackal" used to be named the "Battleship Potemkin" - am I the only one who can remember back that far?
Also, where is Castro? He appears to have been airbrushed out of the last several revolutions. Is he still working on the Mark Latham campaign, or has he been the victim of an internal party reorganization?
Che: "Motorcycle Diaries" is showing at Clearview 62cnd, City Cinema 86th, and Lincoln center - I think your adoring fans would appreciate a political diatribe prior to each showing (or at least a photo-op at the concession stand in exchange for popcorn and skittles).
By
ashamed 10/12/04 - 8:48 pm
is it wrong to lust after comrade Zetkin?
By
Komrade Tirathen 10/13/04 - 10:49 am
Comrade John F. Kerry wrote
Comrades,
During these trying days of this final election period I offer a short statement, which will inspire all of you fellow comrades to rise up and strike down the rich oppressors who are exploitating the masses through their rich wealthy corrupt financial holdings.
The current President is a rich yellow running dog who oppresses the masses through what he calls "Free Speech" and the corrupt document called the "United States Constitution".
We shall bring these unjustices to end and raise the peoples concerns to a higher level, by ending the corruption of the proletariat by the exploitaters of teh masses who unconcerned.
The fall of democracy is at hand! Rally Now!
By
The Politbureau 10/13/04 - 11:03 am
D.J. Gulag wrote
Didn't the proletarian dog "Carlos the Jackal" used to be named the "Battleship Potemkin" - am I the only one who can remember back that far?
Battleship Potemkin The People's Dog has been pronounced a non-dog due to recent display of lustful urges which betrayed glaring remnants of bourgeois nature. All archive pictures and references to Battleship Potemkin The People's Non-Dog have been erased and replaced with those of Carlos The Jackal, The New Dog of Socialism.
Please eraze all memory of Battleship Potemkin The People's Non-Dog and never mention it again if you don't want to become a non-person, D.J.Gulag! Under socialism, long memory may be a disadvantage. You have been warned.
Red Eye
By
The Politbureau 10/13/04 - 11:21 am
D.J. Gulag wrote
where is Castro? He appears to have been airbrushed out of the last several revolutions. Is he still working on the Mark Latham campaign, or has he been the victim of an internal party reorganization?
Unlike aforementioned non-dog, Castro is still very much a person displaying all the healthy urges of a Marxist Dictator Leader. Both he and Rosa Luxemburg spent that day at a Hospital for Politbureau Members recovering from a minor accident involving an oversized cigar.
Red Eye
By
Comrade Bluerose 10/13/04 - 2:55 pm
This iss what I like. Our Revolutionary leaders are the best! Love Carlos the Jackel too! What should I call my cat?
Amerika cannot stand up to THIS...our Revolution!
*Raises her AK-47 high in the air, shooting off many rounds for our Great Revolution!*
Liberate many bottles of WODKA for all the comrades!!!
SMASH THE STATE!
By
Blogbat 10/14/04 - 1:11 pm
Ya nya panya mayo paruski, so I'll stick to English. Good work Komrades and soon we will link up with Chirac, Hu Jintao, Putin, Schröder and the Islamofascists in the hegemonic class struggle of the worlds workers. And occasionally we work.
-xanga.com/blogbat
(PW: Hatikva)
By
Comrade Kolenda 10/14/04 - 3:37 pm
I must join the revolution; the leaders have inspired me. No, our leaders have inspired me. We will crush all the Amerikan resistance to the Great Revolution. Hail, oh Kerry!
-xanga.com/cromulent
By
Communist Agenda 10/15/04 - 6:47 am
Kommander Djin, Klara Zetkin, and Carlos the Jackal secure the perimeter. The Socialist Motherland is protected!
Now I am confused. I thought you were communists - not socialists. You know… there is a difference. Possibly you should have a re-education meeting with your party members?
Comrade Agenda, the main difference as we see it is in the spelling. The only factor truly separating strong communism from weak socialism and liberalism is the means to impose the will of the people on the greedy and recalcitrant members of the bourgeoisie. Once we have the means in place through persistent hard work under the less threatening name "socialism", it will become communism.
We've
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on Union Square and beyond. If you like what you see, click
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