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Due to the fact that we do not currently live in a communist state, we have improvised Imperialist Army uniforms. Below is a short list of acceptable dress and how to acquire them. If you want to join the Revolution you must conform. If you do not conform to this Party's Dress Code and appearance guidelines some of your comrades will be forced to contact the secret police and have you taken to a Gulag of our choice. Try to keep your commie look to recent times. These are not intellectual people we will be dealing with and they don’t get it if you look like a warrior from the early 1900s. Google Che’ Guervera or Fidel Castro and look for images of them in there military uniforms. This is the style we are going for.
The Uniform Starting at the Top
The Hat
• The Che’
- Black beret with red star over right eye. The easiest way to reproduce this look is to buy a standard Black Beret form your local Army/Navy store. You will have to add the star. You will NOT find a red one. Buy a gold star and paint it with Russian Red nail polish. You might want to go over it in clear polish to give it a nice shiny look.
• The Castro
- You might have to look hard for this one. This is a standard green Cuban Military type hat. If you look hard enough you will find something close. Search for an Image of Fidel on the internet to help you get the jist.
The Shirt
• CommunistsForKerry T-Shirt is the proffered option of course.
- Notify the working class in the State Store of your choice
• Flat Green Long Sleeve with pockets
- You can find this at any Army/Navy store for under $20. You do not wear a T-Shirt under it. Take of any necklaces you might normally wear. We don’t have money, remember?
- This will be the cheapest thing to do. This is your standard modern day Revolutionary look.
The Pants
• Flat green Army pants.
- No Camo pants. Go to your local Army/Navy store and find a pair of used pants if you can. The more worn out looking the better. After all, Revolutionaries stole there clothing from opposing government armies.
The Belt
• Castro Look Only! Do not wear a belt if you’re wearing a beret. Che’ could not afford one I guess.
• Army combat belt could be worn on top of the long green shirt to give you more of a waist. Any Army/Navy store will have this.
The Shoes
• Combat boots.
- Black toes with green webbing preffered.
- Tuck your pants in the top of them.
- All black combat boots will not get you in trouble with the secret police. They look cool too.
Ok, I think that will do it. All we ask is that when you go out and do your own revolution that you please dress like we have stated above. We need to stand out in a crowd when we are doing our thing. See “Start a Revolution” for details on what to do when you’re out and about.
this uniform...da, it is I am thinking very bourgiosie to dress in this manner. I am to be wearing my state issued black suit with glorious rad ribbons across one breast. Da.
Day wear...very nice!!!
By dostoyevski 09/05/04 - 8:15 am
I denounce this item!
By Guest 09/05/04 - 8:41 am
It's spelled - CATSUP - , people!
Regards,
Del Monte
By Tatiana 09/05/04 - 6:01 pm
Hope my soviet era uniform is appropriate also. I'm wearing it right now with my Nagant at the ready.
By pinkocommiebastard 09/06/04 - 11:42 pm
Hmmm............I prefer the communist china mao zedong style myself......
By JOhn kErry 10/08/04 - 9:28 am
I love you all.
By SHMERSH 10/17/04 - 10:34 pm
IF YOU CAN NOT FOLLOW ORDERS, MAYBE YOU WANT TO INLIST IN MY COURSE IN "HOW TO". SHOULD YOU BE A HAND PICKED VOLUNTEER , BY KAPITAN
SHMERSH,,,,,,, YOU WILL GET THE "TOP REGIMENT LEVEL A". SPECIAL.
SHMERSH HEAD OF KGB OPERATIONS Section 9.
By Comrade Otis 10/20/04 - 1:58 am
Comrade Red Eye,
I am always dressed in the appropriate uniform as I am the Grand Marshal of the Soviet Socialist Marching Harmonica Army. One of my more recalcitrant underlings (some sorry-assed bloke named Ralston) has informed me (he is being looked after at the Theresa Heinz-Kerry Hospital for the Insane) that you have mispelled 'their' for 'there' in your above paragraph, comrade.
A small matter, but it does reflect on your deportment, comrade. We don't want you deported! This is an election year.
You'll be happy to find this has all been logged and noted by the Central Commitee.
Sincerely,
Comrade Otis
Your friendly Bluenose Communist Busybody for your own darn good and all that, thank you.
Cheerrio; pip, pip; and all that rot.
By Comrade Koko's Kitten 10/20/04 - 8:56 am
Congratulations on your ability to make me laugh uncontrollably due to your overly serious site... You guys are too much...
Silly children
By The European 10/20/04 - 7:17 pm
Okay...
Well...
Which place is mentioned for laughing?
Already started with burning books?
By Comrade Otis 10/20/04 - 9:15 pm
Dear Comrade Red Eye,
I now see that there is no longer any reference to 'there' in above paragraph. There is no 'there' there.
This reminds me of the latest hit Soviet Socialist Marching Harmonica Army tune that is so influential and popular with the Red States' Pioneer Youth these days:
'This is your web-site. This is your Party. This is your foolin' around'.
A toast to the web-site of the masses and the memory hole of truth.
You'll be pleased to know this has all been logged and noted by the Central Commitee.
Sincerely,
Comrade Otis
Bluenose Communist Busybody for your own darned good.
By Lysenko 10/23/04 - 3:58 pm
Comrades, we of Old Guard in former Soviet Paradie are now very confused. Military outfit with medals, or Molotov the well dressed comrade with many suits of basic style, then what bourgeois pigs call "cheap suits" during Khruschev, up to Gorbachev with decadent silk and pastels and other western trash - what do we do now? What is Comrade Kerry advocating we wear, some clothing called "lizard" or baggy pants of kulaks? From what rich imperialist did Comrade liberate suits worth year's wages of good toiling cadre of steelworkers? Too much for us of old Guard. We shall wear fashion advised by Father Stalin!
By Red Army Bloke 10/24/04 - 11:43 am
I wore a pair of off-color red boots to support the cause, and then someone called them pink. Will the party be there to throw them in the gulag?
You think the Gulag is some sort of a giant garbage pit, a black hole where everything can disappear without a trace, even pink boots? We are a decent organization and pink boots may undermine the strong spirit of the Gulag workers. Just burn 'em!
Oh, wait, did you perhaps mean throw the people who called them pink in the Gulag? That we can do, no problem. In fact, it is your duty as a citizen to get their full names, addresses, and social security numbers.
Red Eye
By Communist Kitty 10/27/04 - 1:43 pm
Meow, is it okay to replace the cap with a green "baseball-style" cap with a red star? (Communist China style, meow?)
And who fives a flying f*** about whether it's catsup or ketchup? Same damn thing, either way, meow.
By Comrade Truth 10/28/04 - 2:29 am
Yes, this is funny, but it's also ironic, given Comrade Bush's fondness for employing KGB-style tactics. While you guys attempt to undermine Kerry by making (admittedly funny) communist jokes about him, your candidate continues to install the means of totalitarianism.
Well, it could be worse. At least you aren't creating bumper stickers that say "My SUV Loves Iraqi Oil," as some of your Bush comrades are doing. The utter disrspect for life in such statements appalls me, but these Republicans find it amusing. I'd rather they be looking at your site, since I know they can't stomach anything both serious and decent.
BTW, I love welfare. I'll make you a deal - you keep paying your taxes, and I'll keep spending them.
By poorfools 10/30/04 - 11:41 pm
i have yet to understand anything about this. catsup? uniform style for and online orginization? or do you all hold a rally? since much of the subject in this forum are not "on subject" i posted my q's here and hope to get the a's in the same place. i apologize if there is a question section i looked over and did not post in. oh and just to let you all know it is not catsup it is ketchup; how do you plan to take over american government if you can not spell ketchup even close to correctly?
By Communist Kitty 11/01/04 - 11:57 am
Meow. Damnit, poorfools, nobody should care how the hell you spell ketchup-catsup-whatever. It's a f***ing condiment, meow!
(And none of this is supposed to make sense, meow).
By Comrade Otis 11/09/04 - 6:04 pm
Communist Kitty wrote
Meow. Damnit, poorfools, nobody should care how the hell you spell ketchup-catsup-whatever. It's a f***ing condiment, meow!
(And none of this is supposed to make sense, meow).
None of this is supposed to make sense? Actually comrade Communist Kitty this all makes purrfect sense. If you consider the dialectics involved you'll see what I mean. On the one hand there is the current mainstream American Left and the weak Liberalism they espouse. They are so weak-willed they refuse to acknowledge what they really stand for. On the other hand there are us who know what the Left stands for. We want all good socialists to stand up proud and sing the praises of what all the Left believes. Nothing would make us happier. In this way the Party can succeed. And meow, meow to you sweet Communist Kitty.
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