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I am running a special on shovels. How many would you like to buy?
By Bensnooty 09/26/04 - 3:53 pm
The current central planning estimate would require about three hundred million shovels.
By Girabomo 09/28/04 - 5:57 am
How dare I be forced to work for my sustenance!
Only Communism (which my Anthropology teacher so kindly pointed out worked in pre-horticultural society) truly understands my needs: to make as much money as a doctor in my janitorial job! How dare someone who works harder than I make more money than me! It's unconstitutional!!!!
By Golden Capitalist 09/28/04 - 6:42 pm
Communism is not even moral. To expropriate from people their earned income and salary based upon the mutual consent of relationships between people is evil. It is the dictum that people are incompetent and that they have no right to exist for their own sake or their own life. These theories are ultimately tribalist in nature and show no level of educated thought. Communism failed becuase it was incongruent with reality and becuase it is an immoral system. Capitialism is the only moral economic system ever devised by human beings.
Long live Reagan, long live Goldberg...why do I even need to say this. Good God ferring people never die.
By a real marxist 10/01/04 - 12:38 am
sophomoric irony aside, marxism isn't about standing in line for toilet paper, gulags or ridiculous propoganda, its about working people finally getting a voice in how the world is run. you are entirely right to critique the various stalinist regimes that have called themselves socialist and communist, but may i point out that they also called themselves democratic, as they were neither of the above, it makes as little sense to blame democracy for pol pot, likewise it makes no sense to blame actual socialism or marxism. I understand that now all sorts of "witty" replies will be added in response to my post, but if you are genuinely intellectually honest, why dont you really read marx,and not just the communist manifesto either, but his more serious works, no i dont expect you to read all three volumes of capital and his theories of surplus value, but you may check out some of his lighter reads. Perhaps, after you have bothered to read him, you may have valid criticism. But to compare a genius like Marx (and I know how absurd that sounds to you, who have never read him but only heard second hand accounts of his work) to a multi-millionare pro-corporate douche-bag like john kerry is horrific and misguided. Before I criticicize friedman or hayek or any other "marginal utility" wonders, i at least first read them, perhaps you should do the same.
best regards, and to the revolution.
Comrade, I too admire Marx, a great man and inspiration to all who labor for the people. My personal favorite Marx quote: "In this sense, the theory of the Communists may be summed up in the single sentence: Abolition of private property." I think it would be an great honor to the memory of Marx if you would show your devotion to his ideals - please transfer all of the community property in your bourgeois bank account to us through PayPal, and live as Marx would have you. Remember, communism must work. The only reason that it hasn't created a worker's utopia yet is that there has never been a really real communist society. Because communism has to work, any society that claims to be communist that doesn't work must not really be communist. Let us give comrade Kerry a shot at it... if his communism works, then it is real communism.
With typical collectivist cheerlessness,
The Party's Razor
By Toejam17 10/02/04 - 8:27 am
Denounce this item?!!....Komrade I salute you! Cool web site...gotta love it.
By J. D. Ripper 10/05/04 - 1:29 am
Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
You know when fluoridation first began?
Nineteen hundred and forty-six. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? Its incredibly obvious isn't it. A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
I first became aware of it during the physical act of love.
Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence! I can assure you that it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.
Your Commie has no regard for human life. Not even his own.
I can longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist perversion and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
By Bensnooty 10/06/04 - 8:02 pm
By a real Marxist says - "But to compare a genius like Marx (and I know how absurd that sounds to you, who have never read him but only heard second hand accounts of his work) to a multi-millionare pro-corporate douche-bag like john kerry is horrific and misguided."
This statement about Marx would seem more ironically sophmoric considering his wealthy euro-elitist existance and overwhelming niavity about human nature. A collective farm must have the collective voice of the masses! The fact is, Marx set the bar for qualification for leadership of any communist revolution! It can only take an elitist to know what is better for the masses than the masses themselves!!!!! Pity them for their bourgeois urges and desires for they know no better!!!
Let me take this diatribe a step further, because as far as I can tell, there is very little fundamental difference between a socialist, a communist, a fascist, or an islamafascist. They all share this basic concept as their mantra to dominate mass society and save itself from itself!!!!! Sort of like Kerry's campaign platform. Please Kerry, save America from ourselves! WE MUST PASS THE GLOBAL TEST!!! For any repressive nation on the planet can only be the byproduct of the free people of America! So therfore, any protective action taken by the future Amerika must pass the approval of our repressive byproducts!!!
DENOUNCE THIS ITEM NOW!!! LEAD US DOWN THE SHINING PATH TO DESTINY WITH COMRADES LENIN, STALIN, MAO AND CASTRO!!!!!
By Tom 10/14/04 - 10:49 pm
Cute. Very cute.
You have no idea what communism is. There is Fabian Socialism, Anarchism, Anarcho-Communism, Marxism, Kropotkinism, Social Democracy, Libertarian Socialism, Anarcho-Syndicalism, Golmanism, Trotskyism, Marxist-Leninism, Eco-socialism... and so on. All of these stand ultimatly for freedom of everything. We stand for direct democracy, not representative democracy. In the US, you vote every 3 or 4 years and then have no say whatsoever what your government does during that time. We stand for making everyone the boss, everyone would engage freely in all decison making processes regardless of gender, colour, political beliefs or sexual preferences. We don't stand for oppression or executions, we don't stand for prison camps and destroying personal freedoms or religions. We stand completely for freedom without bosses and politicians or dictators telling us what to do. You are confusing socialism with Stalinism, which by no means is a form of socialism or communism. Nor was Maoism or the form of state-capitalism found in North Korea. So far, there has not yet been a truely socialist society in existance on this planet. Communists today, at least real ones, are opposed to Stalinism, Maoism, state-oppression and even the state itself. Even Lenin, who you revile so much stated that "while the state exists, there can be no freedom".
Please, before you jump on the bandwagon, do a bit of research.
Comrade Tom, Stalinism is the closest thing to what you call "true socialism" we will ever see - any collectivist system that denies that it will require coercion to enact is fooling itself. Lazy mercantilist sluggards just won't work willingly for the good of the collective unless the alternative is death or torture. All the various theoretical forms of collective governments are indeed interesting, but direct democracy results in chaos when the majority wields its power to "vote" itself the possessions and freedom of the minority. The good of the people requires a strong communist government. I fear we may be boring other comrades with our lengthy discussions...if you wish to continue this, please feel free to e-mail me at:
Viva the equality! (soviet style).
Everyone is equaly miserable!
Comrade Vlad, you are correct. Yet some must be more equal than others...I will give you your neighbor's garage in honor of your revolutionary spirit.
The Party's Razor
By Dickens' Ghost 10/18/04 - 5:14 pm
"a real Marxist" wrote:
->>I understand that now all sorts of "witty" replies will be added in response to my post, but if you are genuinely intellectually honest, why dont you really read marx,and not just the communist manifesto either, but his more serious works, no i dont expect you to read all three volumes of capital and his theories of surplus value, but you may check out some of his lighter reads. Perhaps, after you have bothered to read him, you may have valid criticism. But to compare a genius like Marx (and I know how absurd that sounds to you, who have never read him but only heard second hand accounts of his work) to a multi-millionare pro-corporate douche-bag like john kerry is horrific and misguided.<<-
Oh bloody Hell! I knew Karl Marx, stultifying chap, actually.
We snubbed him quite roundly at the Club.
Typical sodding German...spot-on analysis, but his "solution" is all bollocks!
You lot learned all about Germans and their "Solutions" later on, eh?
I dash off a few stories when I'm in my cups, and they make screenplays of my works every 20 years and play 'em at Yuletide annually.
A few semi-sober Undesireables and Malcontents read HIS bilge and cause no end of bother for the next ten generations.
We should have sent the bloody beggar packing, but HM the Queen had a soft spot for the Teutonic flotsam and jetsam that washed up on the Thames...probably reminded her of her Prince Albert.
This Yankee Humbug Kerry fellow rather reminds of Prince Albert, by the way. yet another oily dim-witted rotter who married his money.
Not Quite Our Sort, you know.
Cheers
By Nikolai 10/20/04 - 8:25 pm
We stand for making everyone the boss, everyone would engage freely in all decison making processes regardless of gender, colour, political beliefs or sexual preferences. --Tom
Of course, what you are saying here is that "true" communism is anarchy. And after hell has frozen over waiting for EVERONE to agree on even the most minute decision, then what? No bosses? You mean no leadership--to believe that ANY organization, let alone a country, could long survive in such a condition is naive to the extreme and shows a complete lack of understanding of human nature. It is fantasy, and not even intelligent fantasy. The reason "true" communism has never existed is simply because it CAN'T exist--not in the real world, anyway. Even if it is accompanied by the most noble of intentions it will ALWAYS degenerate into some form of totalitarianism because certain elements os the "classless society" will desire power over the other elements and proceed to acquire it. I have studied communism and what was most apparent to me was that ideal conditions must be presumed for it to work. But if ideal conditions must be presumed, than ANY form of societal organization will work. It's time to leave the university and go out into the real world. Provide jobs for people--start your own business....
By Nikolai 10/20/04 - 8:33 pm
By the way, comrades, I love this site. It deals with communism in the way communism deserves to be dealt with. May we be spared from those who actually still take it seriously as a valid template for real human beings to follow. Absolute laissez-faire capitalism is a fantasy, too, but at least it is a moral one....
Comrade Nikolai, despite your praise for the party's website, your lack of revolutionary spirit troubles me. All good communists know that man is perfectable and inherently good - just watch the news if you don't believe me! The average worker has just been so poisoned by mercantilist lies that he needs a little re-education to realize his potential as a collective worker. The efficiency and egalitarian nature of an ant colony is our goal. Even though you have slandered the party with your capitalist "logic", your name is quite admirably Russian sounding. Therefore, instead of a gulag, I am sending you and your whole family to summer camp. There will be lots of sand castles, so bring your own shovel.
The Party's Razor
By Bensnooty 10/24/04 - 8:57 pm
Collectively Numb
Hello,
Are you longing to be wealthy.
Just answer me correctly
And I wont take away your home!
Come on in,
Don't resist while I break you down.
I will give you pain,
And break your face again and again.
Reeducate!
I'll give you the information first
Just the beausuios facts.
Don't make me have to inflict on you the hurt!
There is no pain you are receiving.
The hammer and sickle once again arising!
You will only eat and drink in waves.
Your lips will move but no one will hear what your saying.
Treat all just like a child, we will cure you of your fever.
Your hands will be filled with a shovel and two brooms.
Now that you will have no career once again.
No need to explain, the masses would not understand.
The scourge that is capitalism.
We all must become collectively numb!
I am going to a Great Leap Backward to Tom's denouncement written on 10/14/04, so anyone interested may want to backtrack before reading on. But TOM, I've got to admit my ignorance here, but what the hell is FABIAN SOCIALISM?!!! Is this like the forerunning 1950's concept to the more contemporary form of Celebrity Communism? "I will eat cake, while I stand here at the Oscar podium and lecture my fans about walking to your job at the quarry for the good of all"
The other one was "Kropotkinism" or was this a type-o for Krackpotism which I guess would stand for all these other great splinters of the diverse communist methodology...
How cum all good communists denounce their detractors as UN-informed, or "they have no idea" or "need to do a little research". Now I admit to having only browsed the communist manifesto in college (where else), and have never read any of Karl's other brilliant literary primers on good centralized planning, but I have done some research with many historical accounts of his great legacy on the modern world. I understand that any negative points of view are only to be accepted as capitalist lies and propaganda but I will exemplify what I am taking about with another great ideology of twentieth century tyranny, Nazism. If I were yearning to be a more informed fascist, wouldn't I be better off reading Mien Kempf as to opposed to lets say, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich?
And yes, Lenin did say that "while the state exists, there can be no freedom", but that was just his excuse for his version of the state. That sort of moronic moment of clarity is like saying, as long as there is land, their will be property to claim! So the solution can only be to get rid of the land!
Come on! This is a preamble, isn't it? Our last chance to vote is only days away, so lets wild up the masses with some brazen and vulgar crossfire damn it! As our communist faithful are already decreeing;
"VOTE OR DIE!!!!!!!!"
Comrade Bensnooty, I find your lack of faith in the state troubling. You must abandon your outdated bourgeois methods of learning from history and employing logic. As comrade Tom so eloquently put it, (I am paraphrasing) "real communism must work because theoretically there about a zillion forms of it". We just have to find the right sub-form of communism that is the real, authentic communism - we will know we have it when it works. Until then, we must try over and over again. A century of failure proves nothing! The end of your post contains some excellent red rhetoric. Because of this I will forget your disagreements with comrade Tom...but in order to ensure your progression in the party I have dispatched a politruk to live with you for the next year.
The Party's Razor
By Ghemita Dwyer 11/01/04 - 4:00 pm
Yesterday one of John Kerry's camapign people said that John Kerry was more popular the Jesus. That makes me mad!
By RedFrontRatFink 11/01/04 - 5:11 pm
Yesterday one of John Kerry's camapign people said that John Kerry was more popular the Jesus. That makes me mad!
Jesus Who?
RFRF
Well said, comrade RFRF. You have been assigned to comrade Newdow's office of suppression of religious expression.
The Party's Razor
By Bensnooty 11/05/04 - 2:55 pm
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Bush and Bin Laden; Blood Brothers To The End Of Time!
by Michael Moore
Walter Cronkite; The Great Communicator
by Peter Jennings and Ted Koppel
America, The Fourth Reich
by Gore Vidal
Chappaquidic and The GOP Set Up To Dismantle My Presidential Destiny
By Ted Kennedy
Beware; The Collective Movement Will End Up In Collective Ovens In The Very Near Future
By Bill Maher
American Atrocities Toward 20th Century Totalitarianism
By Jac Chirac and Kofi Annan
How Islamafascism Was Cooked Up In A South Carolina Corn Stove
By Alec Baldwin
Conservatives and The Stepford Wife Movement in America
By Gloria Steinem
America, Israel and Their Support of Nazi Germany, 1932-1945
By Norman Mailer
Snapple Iced Tea and The White Plot
By Jessie Jackson
The Conservative Gag Order; Why My Albums Suck So Much
By Barbara Streisand
Our Lives In Conservative Shackles
By Bill and Hillary Clinton
Castro Does Matter And Why I Kiss Unwashed Dictators On The Mouth
By Jimmy Carter
French Bravehearts and A Call To Arms
By Pepe Le Pew
SNL, Prelude To The Coming Amerikan Revolution
By Al Franken
By Boris Strovenka 11/08/04 - 7:14 am
Celebrate the struggle of the oppressed in Antarctica! Soon, our tiny tuxedoed workers shall overwhelm the global capitalists with millions of newly manufactured farm tractors which will enable comrades everywhere to increase beet production. This will in turn create the beet market instability that will allow the collective to take full control of the global beet sales. Victory is a mere century away! Two at the most.
Well said, comrade Boris. Truly the penguin is the most egalitarian of small flightless birds. We have started developing environmentally friendly beet-based weapon systems to utilize your glorious beet surplus, assuming France doesn't feel too threatened by the super-deadly people's beet squads.
Collectively,
The Party's Razor
By Komrad Gornikoff 12/21/04 - 2:43 am
Aaargh! I denouncee all of the petty-bourgeois counterrevolutionaires! I kgnash on their bones! Aaargh! Goood work on the goulash brethren, my production level went up 75% over the course of a one year perriod. Vote for Kerrry! It's not too late! Don't believe the senseless imperialist propagandha. That liar Bush is in the White House,,, he stole it AGAIN! Just like Mikhail MOre told me yesterday. Aargh! We'll repossess Mr. Bush' yummy daughters for the Sovjet Motherland! Aaaargh!
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