Our commitment to saving the environment is described in The Tomato Conspiracy, the instant Upper West Side best-seller that has already caused Michael Moore to sue Oliver Stone over the film rights.

These are just some of the facts which we uncovered:

1. It takes approximately 5,000 tomatoes to make one bottle of ketchup. It takes approximately 10,000 tomatoes to make one bottle of EZ Squirt Blastin' Green ketchup.

2. 30 million acres of tomato plants are being brutally decimated every day by evil money-grabbing capitalist ketchup producers so rich Americans can splatter ketchup on their American hamburgers, American hot dogs, and American French fries, which of course is a contradiction of terms. But that is how American capitalists are, they steal the fries from the French, so they can produce more ketchup to splatter everywhere.

This book was an eye-opener. I never knew it takes 10,000 tomatoes to make one bottle of EZ Squirt Blastin' Green ketchup! Janeane Garafolo, Friend of the Tomato

3. The conditions at the ketchup making sweatshops are abhorrent. No minimum age for harvest has been set by the FDA; as a result, the sensitive young tomato is plucked along with the more mature, hardened plants. All lie together in heap of mangled tomato paste, in the poorly air-conditioned warehouses with no plant food or water, being sadistically tortured by the American capitalist ketchup makers.

4. Because most of the tomatoes are harvested in Florida, the Supreme Court has unanimously held that the Tomato is not covered by the Geneva Conventions.

5. The disenfranchised peasants and serfs are forced off their land and compelled to live in discarded sardine tins and used tires, only to make way for giant ketchup producers.

The Dangerous Side Effects Of Ketchup Production Florida being the epi-center of tomato growing process, has experienced an increase in hurricanes, due to the tomato eco-system being pillaged and exploited by the American corporations. The chemical process used to strip tomatoes of their vital nutrients involves such dangerous items as cocaine, uranium and phosphorus, which enter the water supply and effect the ability of the native population to make an appropriate choice on an election ballot.

Deadly Consequences Of The Ketchup Industry

Ketchup corporations repeatedly flout environmental laws and prey on third world countries where natives are either ignorant or unaware of the dangers of ketchup production, since the local diets do not include hamburgers, hot dogs, and French fires.

Only last August this grim reality of ketchup transportation was visited upon the tiny Bangladeshi village of Baluthma.

Janeane Garafolo plays a poor Bangladeshi peasant girl who becomes a ketchup addict in The Tomato Conspiracy: The Movie directed by Michael Moore (or Oliver Stone, depending on how the lawsuit turns out). Either way, the entire cast and production team have already been nominated for the Palme d'Or of this 58th Festival de Cannes a priori.

A massive ketchup tanker crashed while speeding through the village. The tanker was in a hurry to deliver hamburgers and hot dogs to the villagers, in order to get them addicted and hooked.

"After the spill, the terrain looked like a scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre - original, not the mainstream remake," declared Abdul-Al Sam, a local bond trader. "The entire area was a sea of red. The village's crop of potatoes had to be harvested and fried so they could make use of the ketchup spill. The cleanup took months, the villagers became overweight, and the local falafel and pita bread industry was crippled, as people resorted to burgers and fries."

ACLU is considering various lawsuits as a result of the ketchup fiasco.

YOUR DONATION WILL HELP US SAVE THE TOMATO AND THE TOILING PEASANTS FROM THE EVILS OF KETCHUP!