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Kerry To Build Hurricane Shield If Elected |
By Red Eye
09/09/04 - 1:22 am |
In addition to his previous campaign promises meant to improve the life situation for those who resent the nature of capitalism at the expense of those who are quite happy with it, Senator John F. Kerry has now announced a plan to harness the very nature itself.
Speaking at the UNITY 2004 Conference in Washington, D.C. on Thursday, the presidential candidate unveiled his project to build a gigantic Hurricane Shield off the coast of Florida.
"The Bush administration has mislead Americans about the threat posed by the hurricanes," Kerry announced to his supporters. "I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on hurricanes."
John Kerry then answered questions from concerned environmental activists about the potential impact of this new technology on environment. Kerry explained that it would be completely environmentally friendly. For the most part it would use hot air from Terry McAuliffe and James Carville to rebuff advancing storms. For stronger, category 4 and 5 hurricanes, Kerry said they would simply get the hurricane to enroll in some kind of government program or socialized healthcare. This would use up all the hurricane's own energy in the constant circular motion and cause it to go nowhere or even backwards if really successful.
Communists For Kerry were among the first to submit their design proposals.
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By Pawn of the Party
09/09/04 - 1:06 pm |
We all know that Kerry cannot help us from the evil Bush induced hurricanes! Only the great Lenin, with his amazing mind and weather altering stare can save the proletariats of Florida from the impending attack of Ivan the Terrible. Save us Comrade Lenin!
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By The Man
09/09/04 - 1:09 pm |
I support President Bush and his use of pre-emptive attacks on these hurricanes. Better to take on these storms at sea than in a trailer park in Florida.
http://gopandthecity.blogspot.com
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By bryankdonnelly
09/09/04 - 1:54 pm |
The workers and peasants here in Florida are eternally grateful to our wise leader, Comrade Kerry, for his masterful plan to protect us from evil capitalistic hurricanes! NOW we see how the bourgeois exploiters have been victimizing us with their "acts of God" excuse. NOW we know that the working class has been duped by these brazen class enemies who have utterly FAILED to end this weather oppression. No doubt the greedy plutocrats at Halliburton were reaping obscene profits from such evil storms!
After the revolution we’ll all live in a perfect socialist world completely without hurricanes, earth quakes, avalanches and athlete’s foot! LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
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By Fag For Bush
09/09/04 - 1:59 pm |
I think I will laugh myself into unconsciousness. I will need good free healthcare after viewing hurricane shield.
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By Florin
09/09/04 - 5:09 pm |
Comrades, otchin harasho insight, but be advise that wise comrade Kerry is cooking up even more revolutionary revelations about putrid Bush plutocrat lackey of imperialist bloodsuckers.
It is about uncovering this gigantic plot about how Bush has aranged for cosmic events and asteroids hitting the Earth some 65 million years ago that brought about the dinosaurs' extinction and their subsequent turning into - yes, comrades! - Oil! Just so that he and his family and lapdog Cheney can reap profit from misfortune and exploitation of these defenseless, underserved American dinosaurs.
Comrade Florin,
Thank you for the tip. We are dispatching Comrade Baldwin and
Comrade Sarandon to investigate.
NO DINOSAURS FOR OIL!
is our NEW call to arms!
STINGING ROSA
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By Comrade Fudspar
09/09/04 - 8:48 pm |
But I thought Ivan was one of the good communist hurricanes.
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By Sputnikcrashed
09/09/04 - 10:02 pm |
The MOTHERLAND will be saved!
Now, if we can only take, a larger ration of bread, from the useful idiots...
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By Baghdad Bob
09/10/04 - 8:50 pm |
Hurricanes?? There are no hurricanes! This is merely an invention of the infidel Crusader dogs! Destruction?? There is no destruction in the beautiful oasis of Florida. Show me this destruction! Where is it??? Do not believe the lies of the infidel, my people. Stand strong - victory is at hand!!!
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By Ockham's Razor
09/13/04 - 10:35 am |
Ivan was sent by our departed Bolshevik leaders as a punishment for our over-consumption! Elect John Kerry and all hurricanes will cease!
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By Grape Man
09/14/04 - 4:17 pm |
What can Kerry offer me, a small business owner, who has no problem paying for healthcare?
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By Red Scare
09/14/04 - 11:32 pm |
For too long I have suspected that infamous weather was the product of the selfish capitalist system of social oppresion. Those chain dogs dangle the carrot of self improvement in front of the proletariate and just as the worker has saved enough and worked enough to get a bigger trailer, these evil capitalist pigs send in their hurricanes and tornadoes to reset them at nothing. Long live the revolution! Long live Kerry. Please Kerry, help save us from ourselves! Help save us from evil right-wing weather! Please save us from health care driven by competition and capitalism, please save us from our collapsing butt-stocks!
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By Miss Guided
09/18/04 - 10:00 am |
| Grape Man wrote |
| What can Kerry offer me, a small business owner, who has no problem paying for healthcare? |
Small business owner = selfish capitalist pig.
You must pay for the healthcare of the village!
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By Feldspar
09/19/04 - 7:06 pm |
The three hurricanes were only placed in Florida by the Conservatives to help get support for the President's re-election. Think about it, three hurricanes and President Bush visits Florida three times before the election? It is all part of the right wing plans so that they don't have to go through all the BS they did four years ago and to make Bush look good before the election in this swing state. Open your eyes people!
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By Feldspar
09/23/04 - 11:01 pm |
Once again Bush falls in the Florida polls and another hurricane is on the way. Open your eyes people. Bush is controlling the weather.
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By Comrade Danski
09/24/04 - 10:20 am |
These blasted hurricanes are indeed the work of Bush. They simply afford him the opportunity to use Federal money and resources to appease the tortured proletariat masses and trick them into thinking he is a good president. Once we get the word out about Kerry's brilliant Hurrican Shield, the masses will not need Federal resources that could be allocated much more efficiently by the Politbureau.
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By Komrad Jennings
09/24/04 - 3:44 pm |
| Baghdad Bob wrote |
| Hurricanes?? There are no hurricanes! This is merely an invention of the infidel Crusader dogs! Destruction?? There is no destruction in the beautiful oasis of Florida. Show me this destruction! Where is it??? Do not believe the lies of the infidel, my people. Stand strong - victory is at hand!!! |
Exactly! All Hail the visionary truth of Baghdad Bob! This destruction is the result of imperialist policies of the Boosh!
PS: Got Vodka?
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By Feldspar
09/25/04 - 12:55 pm |
After the fourth hurricane to hit this state can I ask people to donate to the RED Cross?
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By The Red Sun Rises
09/28/04 - 1:20 am |
All support Comrade Kerry, for his struggle is ours! Our sweat and blood shall build a Great Wall of protection for the people. Our Comrade is fighting hard against the monetary munching liberation loving pigs! True freedom comrades is obeying the Party! True happiness is serving our Great Leader! Our Leader shall guide us into a glorious new age and the Party shall spread it's loving wings across the globe and guide all the lost souls into wonderful submission to Our Great Leader.
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By Comrade Hyperion
09/30/04 - 8:13 pm |
Komrades, Bush must be stopped.
His propaganda is damaging the socialist motherland!
We must have comrade Kerry as the president of this great nation.
Bush and his ilk must be STOPPED!
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